All is Never Fair
by Bre27812
Summary: Reid develops feeling for the newest member of the BAU, with a controversial past. Both may not be prepared for how their relationship changes the team and themselves. I have several ideas for a lengthy multi-chapter fic, rated T due to potential graphic nature.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first time writing Criminal Minds fan fiction I have only ever done Walking Dead fics before. This idea has been swirling around in my head for a while. This is just a snippet and there's much more backstory and chapters that will pull this whole thing into a complete story. I wanted to start writing it down to put it into words and not just images and feelings in my head anymore. This one is very personal to me and I have used these characters to express ambitions, fears, turmoil, and other feelings I've had in my mind for a while.**

 _ **The main female character I created to put in the criminal minds universe was a recent FBI graduate who excelled in areas of combat and intellect, almost improbably so. She reads people exceptionally well but had difficulty building relationships and expressing her own feelings. She worked out of the Philadelphia field office and had become obsessed with tracking down the whereabouts of a elusive human trafficking operation, which was far outside of her pay grade. This of course was her undoing because she was taken by the trafficking organization and held captive for close to 6 months. The details of this will come out as I go but she survived for this amount of time because of a talent the traffickers capitalized on. Most of her family and co-workers assumed her as deceased due to the grim nature of her disappearance but the Philadelphia field office recently had new leads on some of the suspected traffickers. They called in the BAU for assistance and Reid was instrumental in figuring out the code she left behind and finding the location of the operation. She had already begun her escape when the BAU infiltrated the warehouse that the operation ran out of. Reid felt connected to her and that he owed her his life after she saved him from a perfectly aimed knife to the chest. The story starts prior to her assessment by the FBI to verify if she was fit to return to duty.**_

* * *

Reid closed the door of Jade's rustically furnished apartment behind her. She had readily relocated from the Philadelphia suburbs after her "ordeal" as her estranged cousin flippantly called it. Reid's educated assumption of the typical close knit supportive Italian American family did not apply here. In the short time he knew Jade that was the only relative he had ever even heard of. Another way she defied the stereotypical norms society would place on her.

He watched her intently as she threw her jacket on the couch disturbing the deep sleep of her oddly large cat. His first instinct was to treat her like delicate glass however she made it more than clear she did not share any type of characteristic with fragile glass works.

Reid was almost sure he was staring too long when she interrupted his gaze with what should have been a rhetorical statement.

"You know intense stares won't save me from the next criminal who happens upon me" Jade mused.

Her nonchalant attitude over what had happened to her would have been disturbing to most people but Reid knew she was far from the norm. It would have taken an army to even make her flinch and she readied sarcasm and lack of emotion as her main defenses. Beyond that however she was exceptionally hard to profile. She rarely revealed any weakness and didn't exhibit the tell tale signs of someone who had recently undergone an intense trauma. She was remarkably composed and mostly returned to the normalcy of civilized life with apparent ease.

"Of course not, that would be highly ineffective. Historically men often locked their women away to keep prying hands off of them." He immediately regretted saying that and silently scolding himself for missing another social cue.

Jade smiled at him and remained unphased by his ineptitude in that moment. Her lack of revulsion by his incessant fact regurgitation gave him a feeling he wasn't quite sure how to identify yet.

She continued aimlessly walking around her apartment with no clear destination, letting her hands graze each piece of furniture like it would change into something else if she didn't. Reid couldn't figure out why he was often mesmerized by even the smallest movement she made. She suddenly stopped and turned to look at him. He swore she saw right through him.

"You really don't have to do all of this you know. I will be ok... on my own." She drug out the last part of the sentence and began idly twirling her hair in her hands. A nervous habit he learned she had when faced with expressing any type of emotion. He knew she was of course referring to her deceased boyfriend who also a victim of the traffickers. Jade held his gaze still. "You really don't owe me anything but it does mean a lot that you are here."

She knew what he was going to say before he did and made him feel needed all in the same sentence. Jade was a complete anomaly to him. She was gorgeous by societal standards and had a physique even the most confident would envy. Her features were perfectly symmetrical, fitting the golden ratio to a T. Her olive skin remained flawless even with the various scars she had sustained. There were two that ran across the left side of her face and she often moved her thick brown hair in front of them in an attempt to hide herself. All of this was only superficial of course. It was her strength and the way she carried herself that drew Reid to her when he first saw her images canvassed through the Philadelphia field office. She really had no idea what she could do to a person by just looking their way.

"Well your assessment is tomorrow and I want to make sure you definitely are okay. Those are never easy. They like to throw past missteps at you and coupled with stern glances it's often unsettling." He was babbling again. Reid held his breath until he was sure he didn't offend her, which he learned too was also a difficult task. Jade took a couple steps towards him until she was at arms length away, which made him hold his breath again.

"You'll be there tomorrow right?" She asked.

This wasn't a rhetorical question he probably should answer her.

"Yes, all of the team will be there for the forum portion."

He saw her take a deep breath and steady herself. "I had to do a lot of horrible things..." Her voice trailed off and Reid stopped her before she could say anymore.

"You didn't have a choice. All of the evidence supports that." Comfort was never his strong suit. Jade didn't seem to mind. He knew she craved rationality and sugar coated anecdotes weren't often tolerated. "Hotch even volunteered to administer part of it. He comes off cold and humorless but I think you will take to him."

She smirked at him. "I should get some rest now. I'm still not use to sleeping in a bed I may just lay down in the kitchen."

"Well that doesn't seem appropriate at all, I hope you are kidding." Reid remarked.

Jade ignored his concern. "Goodnight Spencer, I'll see you in the morning." She seemed to hesitate but then closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you again." She whispered into his ear.

Reid savored this moment finding himself wishing it was longer. Hugging anyone seemed out of character for her so he didn't know if he would get to experience it again. His mind was wandering and he pushed those feelings back feeling overly guilty. The girl had lost her live in boyfriend to a horrific act and he was fantasizing about hugging her again.

He pulled himself together and walked to the door. He felt her looking at him still and turned to look her direction before he left. "If you need anything you know where to find me. Goodnight Jade." He reluctantly opened her door and exited her apartment. Reid lingered in the hallway for a minute realizing he had no idea where he parked his car. He had an IQ of 187 but couldn't even retrace his steps back to the parking lot. He calculated there were 4 different entrances to the building so at least two would have to be within a reasonable proximity to the parking lot. That still didn't really help him much. He admitted defeat and started walking down the hallway swearing he could hear muffled crying behind him.

* * *

Jade watched as two stodgy looking old men whispered to each other over documents and photographs throwing her judging glances at randomly timed intervals. Next to them sat a meticulously groomed woman with an almost bored look on her face. Jade assumed she went home to her immaculate house and emasculated her husband over a nightly meal of steamed vegetables and burned salmon. The marriage counseling bill alone must have been enough of a financial burden to fire the cook. Her hair twirling commenced. She knew it was an awful habit but the thought of these three deciding the fate of her career made her blood boil. Spencer was right. They had barely spoken and already she felt as if she needed to be on the defense.

Jade turned her head to the back of the room and instantly relaxed when she saw Spencer sitting there with the rest of his team. She met his eyes and he gave a knowing glance letting her know she would be fine.

Comb Over spoke up first and assaulted her immediately with questions of what had transpired during her months in captivity. He knew all of the details of this of course but apparently a good rehash was in order.

"As I understand you were a prisoner of the Brown's for over 5 months" Comb Over inquired.

"5 months, 3 weeks, 6 days, and 5 hours to be correct." Jade retorted.

He gave her the look of a disapproving teacher catching a high school student smoking a cigarette in the parking lot. Jade could tell she was making friends already.

Comb Over resumed his pointless retelling. "Your superiors at the Philadelphia office think highly of you." The mention of her former unit head left a lump in her throat. They had given up on looking for her after 2 months citing "misuse of resources." Though she understood the politics behind it still hurt hearing people she also thought of as friends did nothing more for her. "You were one of the youngest but the most skilled they had seen in a long time. Your intellect was highly coveted and your combat knowledge put you into the field well ahead of your class. The Philadelphia office also used criminal profiling tools which you put to full use. It sounds like you could read people exceptionally well but often failed to relate to your fellow agents."

 _I didn't often have the energy for socializing._ "I don't see how my likability has any bearing on my abilities as an agent."

Comb Over cleared his throat and continued. The other two next to him appeared to only be there for intimidation purposes. "You are not wrong in that statement. I read agent Hotchner's assessment of you and am having a hard time believing his conclusion. You show zero signs of post traumatic stress. You were at times tortured, forced to kill, and I see here lost your boyfriend in the process. I will not ask you those details again but even the most highly trained would not have come out of that as... stable as you appear to be."

Jade's hand began to shake. Hearing of Ian still felt like an knife to the heart and forcibly took the air out of her lungs. She wasn't sure if she deserved to be alive now, the guilt she felt over his death was impossible to cope with so she chose to ignore it. She needed to be able to get back to her career in whatever capacity that may be now. The distraction was crucial. She turned for comfort in the back of the room again. Agent Hotchner appeared more perturbed than she was or that may just be his normal look she wasn't yet sure. Spencer noticed her discomfort and seemed to be feeling the same thing she was. He wretched uncomfortably in seat impatiently waiting for Comb over to finish his long winded thought.

The firing squad began to cease. Comb over droned on. "Agent Hotchner is well respected in his field. If he believes you are fit to return and whatever transgressions you were forced to commit were to keep you alive I am in no place to argue. However I do urge you lower to your defenses and do your best to relate to your new team."

Ok now he had her attention.

"You have been officially transferred to Quantico and will serve in a probationary period as part of the behavioral analysis unit. Both SA David Rossi and Dr. Spencer Reid vouched for your skills and against my better judgment I reinstated you per their recommendations. However any small infraction could result in your demotion."

Jade sighed in relief and felt her defenses crumbling. She has moved to DC knowing it may be her only chance to stay in the bureau however she thought her lack of experience would reduce her to a desk job. She couldn't help but feel a hint of nervousness at the thought of joining the BAU. Though she graduated at the top of her class and quickly learned various profiling techniques she had no where near the type of expertise it took to be a profiler. Maybe Comb Over's lack of confidence in her wasn't misguided. She continued silently berating herself until Reid and the rest of the team walked over to her.

Rossi spoke first. "You held your own against them kid. Congratulations and welcome to the team." Jade didn't bond with people easily but felt comfortable with Rossi almost instantly. It may be because he reminded her of her favorite uncle who was killed in a convenience store robbery when she was a child. "Come on, we are all taking you to dinner to meet the rest of the team. Reid's treat."

Reid had a bewildered look on his face. "I don't recall agreeing to that but I don't have a good retort." He motioned as if he was going to put his arm on her back but awkwardly tried covering it up by running his hand through his hair. Jade smiled to herself watching his nervous behavior but almost wished he had followed through.


	2. Chapter 2

_~I hope you never see what I've become~_

Jade's mind often wandered off to faraway places whenever others were engaged deeply in conversation. She looked directly at JJ and Morgan as their mouths formed words and sentences and Jade even responded appropriately but she wasn't there. Her grandmother always claimed it was her high intellect that never kept her grounded in one spot always searching for something else. In reality her introversion was too blame but she let her grandmother sing her praises at family dinners and enthrall distant relatives with stories of what she would accomplish some day.

And by all intensive purposes she was the success her grandmother said she would be. Jade came from a broken home and graduated the top of her college class. She moved to the country and met the man of her dreams and he followed her to the city so she could pursue her passions and join the academy. She toppled every obstacle in her way with remarkable grace and ease. Jade was the legend at the Riotto house on Sunday night dinners. And that's how she had wished it all would stay.

No one wanted a voicemail from an estranged uncle asking for money to pay of the funeral bill. Her grandmother fell in her home on July 6th 2010, 3 days after a Jade landed in the Philadelphia field office. Her body wasn't discovered until a week later after the neighbors had complained about a strange odor coming from the house. Riotto's weren't known for their proactive financial planning and her only listed next of kin was a nephew with an uncanny ability to withdraw frozen bank assets. Her uncle planned the funeral for appearances sake but was mostly just hoping to swindle relatives into his latest pyramid scheme. Jade left Philly in the middle of the night and slept in her car so she could slip into the funeral home in the morning unnoticed. She remembers staring at a body lying in a coffin wearing her grandmother's clothes. All of the facial features were correct but it looked nothing like her. Wherever her grandmother was now it wasn't lying in a box in a poorly lit Victorian house.

Jade was pulled out of her stupor when Reid asked her a direct question and apparently she didn't answer this time.

"Are you sure you are ok?" That concerned look he always had around her was etched in his features again.

"Of course, I'm just jet lagged is all." Jade assured him.

"You better get use to that, girl." Morgan said as he playfully swatted her arm.

The overwhelming dread she felt when Garcia presented the case citing its location in Blue Mountains of Pennsylvania crept into her bones again taking up residence. She better get use to a lot of things she thought, including the thought of seeing Ian's parents tomorrow.

* * *

The team was holed up in the most luxurious motel northern Pennsylvania had to offer. Cracked windows and peeling paint only helped the ambiance. Reid lay on his back staring at a spot in the ceiling where the paint had all chipped away and the dry wall began to crumple. The clock on the table next to the bed read 12:35am but sleep continued to allude him. People with higher than average intelligence often suffered from insomnia but he rarely had trouble anymore becoming immediately unconscious once his head hit the pillow.

His mind kept slipping back to her wondering if she was also still awake, staring at the ceiling contemplating the mysteries of the universe. Reid felt as if he invading her privacy by even thinking about her this much. She was highly intuitive, he worried if he imagined what she was doing for too long one look in his eyes and she would know what kept him up at night. Though completely illogical the thought made him blush and fidget uncomfortably.

His thoughts continued in several different directions for an hour or so before slowly settling and allowing him to drift off to sleep. He dreamt of nothing that night. Well that's of course not true he dreamt of something but whatever it was his mind felt no need to retain it. He may see a flash of it months from now but it will be nothing more than a fleeting thought and he will continue on his day.

Reid's dreams were often vivid, sometimes violent, but always memorable. His mother claimed his night terrors as a child were only a side effect of his genius. As he got older and made more sense of them the terror subsidized but the intense imaginary continued. Tonight was a strange night. He heard a distant rattling by the door but it had a rhythmic motion to it so his body didn't stir. The sound abruptly stopped and was replaced by the slow creak of a door. These sounds started to make sense but Reid wasn't sure if he was awake or finally lost in REM sleep.

He could feel someone approaching the bed but a fight or flight instinct never took over. He felt completely at ease as the mattress indented and creaked sounding similar to an old man's over worked joints. Reid was wide awake now. He turned his head slowly to identify the intruder who had made their way into his bed. A sliver of light came in through the window just enough for him to see a mess of dark hair on his pillow. He didn't dare move or even take a deep breath in fear that any slight movement could make her disappear. He watched the rise and fall of her chest for a while until it slowed enough indicating she was asleep.

Reid was sure he locked the door... She was a peculiar girl. Apparently lock picking was also one of her many talents. Jade began to whimper some in her sleep and without thinking he put his hand on her arm to comfort her. A few seconds of complete panic were replaced by longing as she quieted seemingly by his touch. After an intense internal struggle he mustered up the strength to inch closer to her lithe frame and drape his arm around her. She nestled into his chest signaling it was safe for him to breathe again and enjoy what Reid couldn't yet decipher as reality or a cruel dream. Her scent filled his lungs and seemed to creep into every part of him. She stirred slightly and he blamed his over zealous thoughts for disturbing her peace. The seconds ticked by too quickly, ruthlessly leaving him with less and less time to savor the feeling of her pressed up against him.

Now he was sure his thoughts had gone too far. He tightened his arm around her focusing all of his attention on the skin that was touching hers. Reid closed his eyes around 3am hopefully drifting off to wherever she was.

He awoke to Morgan yelling unnecessarily loud something about getting his ass out of bed and going off roading up the mountain. Reid was more than sure he wouldn't be doing that second part. Driving with Morgan on an actual road was an accomplishment in itself let alone anything that could be considered "off roading".

Reid was finally awake enough to regain control of his limbs. He felt for Jade next to him but the only evidence she had even been there was a twisted blanket and a pillow on the floor. The sight of an empty bed gave him a hollow feeling in the pit of stomach and made him wonder if she was ever really there at all. She must have slipped out without waking him taking his fevered day dreams with her. Did he need to address her differently now? Or was he making this into nothing? She needed temporary comfort and left when he was no longer needed anymore. He rattled off more neurotic scenarios like a nervous teenage boy trying to ask the popular girl to the dance. Reid finally got up and started fumbling around the room trying to remember how to put on pants and where the bathroom was. This girl may be the death of him.

* * *

Jade stood in the local police station staring at the wall of missing pets waiting for the ancient coffee maker to finish brewing the tar it would inevitably create. Missing pets are the biggest catastrophe this town has ever seen. A serial killer is so unfathomable many of the locals laughed in their face when they went to question them.

The coffee machine started making an angry hissing noise similar to the one her cat makes when she accidentally steps on its tail. It brought Jade out of her trance enough to notice Spencer had walked in and was talking to one of the officers. Maybe if she stood still long enough he wouldn't notice her. She felt strangely nervous around him after picking the lock of his door last night, getting into bed with him while he was sleeping, and then leaving before he could wake up. Perhaps that's not the most normal thing to do.

She desperately needed comfort and he seemed to be the only one who could center her and give her a few moments of piece. At night she saw all of them again. They came to her one by one and then in masses. They screamed her name and taunted her with images of their bodies strewn across the floor like discarded children's toys.

Clarissa was always the first. That wasn't actually her real name but that's always what she called herself. She whispered bible verses to herself incessantly but those never saved her. Jade had shared a cell with her for weeks and watched her tear her hair out strand by strand. She thought if she wasn't pretty anymore they would have no use for her. And she was right. She was tossed out with the trash one day, her limbs were contorted and blood smeared down her chest. Jade saw her on her way to one of the makeshift arenas. She remembered feeling nothing at all seeing Clarissa that way. Her eyes were still open, fear etched in her sallow features. Perhaps that's why she always saw her first. Jade had done nothing to help her. She knew she was too far gone and wouldn't last the month. Her parents and child in New Jersey would have probably disagreed...

The grief she felt for this sad girl didn't start until a 2 weeks after she had come home. She watched a woman push her child on the swing and it triggered a memory of Clarissa chanting about the swings in Merrill Park. It just seemed like nonsense then, before Jade learned Clarissa would take her daughter to the swings after church every Sunday. Jade's pulse use to quicken every time she walked by a park but now Clarissa was only a distant echo in her ear during the day. At night she still refused to leave her alone.

She felt Reid's eyes on her and had an odd sensation in her body at the thought of it. The ghosts would have to wait for now, she wanted to be near him again. As soon as Jade's eyes met his he averted his gaze and started shuffling though paperwork on the table in front of him she was positive he had already memorized. She hated leaving the warmth of his arms in the morning but didn't know how to deal with the consequences of waking up in her team member's bed. Or maybe that was just an excuse and she didn't want to confront her own feelings. Jade assured herself it was best not to evaluate those yet and decided to watch him from afar instead. Or in reality 6 meters or so and the small proximity of the police station didn't exactly make her invisible. He met her eyes again but this time he didn't look away. No past sin or regret could drown her in that moment.


	3. Chapter 3

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" Reid asked hesitance evident in his voice. The idea of watching Jade confront her dead boyfriend's parents made him want to jump out of his skin but he would follow her off of a cliff if she asked.

"No I probably should do this on my own. There's nothing I enjoy more than facing past demons and the potential for excessive crying." Jade muttered as she grabbed at her necklace like it was cutting off her oxygen.

Reid suspected that was sarcasm and her body language suggested she was considering running but he knew she wouldn't. It wasn't in Jade's character to shy away from any confrontation she saw necessary, no matter the ramifications. She left her hand on the SUV's door for longer than necessary to open it.

"Everything will be ok." Reid assured her.

She turned to face him as her eyes became glassy. "I know."

She made her way through the tall grass to the front door of the old farm house. If Reid didn't know any better he would have assumed this house uninhabited. Broken down cars and various other mechanical parts littered the yard. The house was shrouded with overgrowth and didn't look to have been painted for a few decades. The people who lived here should be quick tempered and highly unorganized but from what Jade told him about Ian's parents that didn't fit. She may have found a home with people who were as difficult to understand and remarkable as she was.

Jade had opened up to him more recently and told him stories of the short time she lived in this house. The details didn't matter as much but each memory she chose to share with him reverberated warmth and belonging. Something Reid pieced together she never had growing up. He understood now the dread she felt coming here wasn't just seeing them again after she had survived and their son didn't but seeing everything else she lost along with it.

He remembered Jade telling him about the horses they had up on the field behind the house that she had broke for them. One of the scars on her arm wasn't from her months held prisoner but when she was thrown from the horse and sliced it open on a rock hidden by weeds. The horse ran all the way to the neighbor's yard three houses down and began harassing their dogs. The image of Jade profusely apologizing to a senile old man for her horse tearing up their yard brought a smile to his face.

It had been over a half hour now and he still hadn't seen anyone exit the house. He was becoming restless but didn't want to intrude. Hopefully they didn't mind if a stranger took a stroll around their property. He probably didn't have to worry about being seen, all of the junk scattered in the yard could obscure him. Reid got out of the truck absentmindedly locking it and shoving the keys in his pocket. He wondered if the horses she spoke about were still there so he started on his way towards the back of the house. A black and white cat ran out from under an old Plymouth and took off after a fleeing rodent. A barn came into view with a dark bay horse grazing behind a fence.

Reid should have known she would have wandered here too. Jade stood with her arms resting on the top fence staring down at her feet. She appeared relaxed from a distance but as he got closer he noticed her breathing was uneven and her hands tense. His heart sank. Reid wasn't sure he wanted to know what happened. She spoke before he could get any closer.

"They should hate me." Jade said without changing her position.

Reid was a somewhat taken aback by her words and couldn't think of anything appropriate to say in that moment.

"I don't deserve anything less than that. I don't get to be welcomed back by them and offered tea and pie like everything didn't completely go to shit." Her voice became louder and more forceful.

"What do you mean, you have nothing to feel guilty for." Reid attempted to calm her but only seemed to make it worse.

She took her arms off the fence and turned to face him, anger evident in every inch of her. Reid braced for the oncoming assault.

"I killed him!" Jade screamed those three words loud enough for every God fearing resident within two miles to hear her and judge her for her sins.

That small detail had disappeared from the reports. Reid had often wondered more of Ian's demise but never pried for her sake.

Her voice dropped down to a lower range and began to quiver. "They put us in the room together forcing one us to kill the other. He was already in bad shape and could barely lift a finger let alone..."

She trailed off but continued. "The one kept beating him with a bat, they had no intention of letting him leave there. I had to stop it. I had to..." Her voice cracked and she started wandering back towards the fence.

"I put my hands on his throat and he had no strength to stop me. They would have done much worse..."

Tears streamed down her face and she made no effort to stop them. Reid hadn't ever seen her cry before. It was like watching someone you thought of as invincible take a fatal blow. The sight was far more than devastating. He thought no different of her and he desperately wanted her to know that. Unfortunately none of the words in his extensive vocabulary would serve him well now. He watched helplessly as she continued to weep with her face in her hands and her body quivering.

Reid dared to take a few steps towards her closing the distance to no more than an arm's length away. It was just short of an eternity before either even flinched, holding their ground preparing for the worst. Jade managed a second of composure to gather what strength she had left to lift her head and look him in the eyes. He thought he saw something more there than utter devastation but before he could analyze the situation further Jade closed the gap between them wrapping her arms around him and burying her face into his neck. She lost what little balance was keeping her upright bringing them both to their knees. Reid tightened his arms around her as her sobs quieted and her breathing began to return to normal.

They stayed like that for an hour or so or maybe it was only a minute, time didn't really matter. The sky would become darker, people would continue on their day and he would have remained their still if she needed it. Jade finally lifted her head to look at him and let her hand graze the side of his face. Reid's contentment was short lived when she drew her hand back abruptly like he was on fire. She may have thought she went too far but he longed for her touch for even a second longer.

Jade spoke up first. "I'm sure we've been gone for an inappropriate amount of time maybe we should get up out of the grass."

"I'm not really sure I want to." Reid said without thinking, something he didn't normally do.

Jade looked at him like that was the most rational response to her suggestion.

"Me either."

* * *

They left Pennsylvania 2 days later. The sun was only just beginning to rise and cast an orange glow over the mountain streaming in through the small windows of the jet the team often called home. Reid had followed Jade around like a guard dog until the case was over and she only showed a minor annoyance when he started telling her about the intricacies of antiquity dealing. Jade had fallen asleep on his shoulder minutes after they had entered the jet. She had muttered random nonsense before her eyes drifted close and she entwined her arms into his. Reid maintained a ridged posture in an effort to avoid JJ's judging glances from two seats back. He kept his free arm at his side in agony resisting the urge to brush Jade's hair out of her face. The heat of her body next to his consumed him and made him wonder how he would ever survive if she chose to entice him any further.

A wave of panic washed over him when Hotch emerged seemingly from nowhere and took the seat opposite of them. Reid didn't start to breathe again until it was clear that Hotch was going to pretend to not see the sight in front of him. After 5 minutes of excruciating silence Hotch finally looked up from his paperwork and decided to speak.

"You two worked well together. I know this one was personal for her but you kept her focused."

You didn't need to be a profiler to suspect hidden meaning there. Reid wasn't sure if Hotch was bringing Reid's feelings to light or showing some kind of strange approval for their unconventional working relationship. Either way it made him wriggle uncomfortably.

Reid sublimated his burning admiration for Jade for a more appropriate response.

"She seems to fit in well with all of us. This team hadn't seemed whole for a while."

Hotch had moved his attention back the paperwork in front of him and only nodded in approval.

"Well let's keep it that way. Take her home please."

* * *

She caught the boy off guard and took him to his knees in one swift blow. He couldn't have been more than 20 and already displayed an animalistic stance after only being held captive more than a month. Her vision was blurred after the boy had slashed her face just missing her left eye. Blood streamed down her neck and continued to obscure her vision. She didn't really need to see anymore. She had taken down many before him using only her hearing to pinpoint their location in the ring. They liked to dim the lights during these types of matches to get some sort of sick pleasure out of stealing one of the adversaries' senses momentarily.

She knew he wouldn't walk out of here but refused to give them a good show of his death. This boy didn't deserve to die in a moldy roach infested room but no god had ever been fair to anyone in here. He was small and slender enough that she was able to snap his neck before the boy's brain could process what was happening. His limp frame fell to the ground but his eyes remained open and fixed on her. He wouldn't be the last one that would lie motionless in this room as she tried to not imagine the future they would never have. Maybe he would have graduated college and went to law school or maybe he would have failed out and disappointed his overly strict parents. He should have been able to make mistakes and feel sorrow and guilt for not living up to expectations. He should still be alive to overcome these pitfalls and prove all of his naysayers wrong by graduating at the top of his class. Instead all he was now was victim number 15 whose lifeless form would be dragged from the sullen room before she could repent for taking it all away. He would be thrown down the old elevator shaft to join the rest of the bodies with stolen futures and untimely ends.

She was left alone in that room for an hour with not even a corpse to keep her company. She thought they only did this to let the adrenaline diminish to ensure she would put up less of fight when they returned to cuff her and drag her back to the cell. Or possibly this operation had become too large and there wasn't enough henchman to control the population in an organized fashion anymore. Their greed had become their undoing. They had kidnapped an unprecedented number in the last outing almost losing a young man who had writhed free from his captor. She would observe their operations for a month longer before finding an opportunity to make her move.

* * *

Reid heeded his supervisor's command and grabbed Jade's keys from her purse while she was still nestled into his side. He foresaw an inevitable struggle already as her sometimes stubborn demeanor didn't allow for another's help. However she was still too exhausted to put up a good fight and gave in to Reid driving her home. They drove in a comfortable silence to her apartment 10 miles from then agency headquarters. She may be more sluggish than usual but still managed to gather all of her bags and make her way to the door before Reid had the opportunity to assist. He followed her inside, closing the door soft enough to not pull him from his reverie. He watched her in fascination as she fussed with her cat and almost tripped on it as she made her way into the kitchen. Jade was still completely at ease with Reid's intrusion as she busied herself with monotonous tasks. Once she ran out of apparent things to do when one returns home from a trip she turned her attention to Reid.

"I'm not sure I would have made it through that if it wasn't for you. Thank you." Her voice had a soothing melody to it. She always thanked him for things but he didn't really think he had done anything worthy of her appreciation.

"I can't confirm that's the truth but you are more than welcome." Reid responded warmly.

He still hadn't learned to stop his heart from palpitating whenever she was close enough to touch. She had crossed the room and stood in front of him with a look in her eyes that either meant anguish or ecstasy, he could never really be sure. Before he had ample time to figure it out her lips had crushed against his and she snaked her arms around his neck. He met her impassioned kiss with a fervid yearning of his own. She slipped her tongue into his mouth and he thought he may die right there in her living room. He matched her building ferocity by pulling her lower lip into his mouth and biting it firmly before releasing. She let out a visceral moan and Reid knew they were too far gone to stop now. Jade had him up against the wall and had moved her attention from his mouth to the side of his neck. He let out a starved gasp of his own as she nipped at the smooth flesh near his Adam's apple. His response only spurred her on further as she peeled his body off the wall and dragged him to her bedroom.

They stood in front of each other assessing the other like long lost lovers reunited after years apart. Jade's long brown hair was messily gathered to the side and her lips were swollen from their current engagement. The predatory look in her eyes only seemed to intensify as she glanced down the length of him.

"Take off your pants." Jade commanded through heaving breaths.

Reid felt all the remaining blood in his body rush downward and knew he couldn't hide his arousal. He obediently obeyed her request and hurriedly began undoing his belt. Jade became inpatient pushing him onto the bed and finishing the job for him. Once she successfully removed the fabric keeping them apart she straddled his waist and lowered herself on top of him. Feeling emboldened he grabbed at her shirt undoing the buttons hastily and ripping it off of her. He let his hands graze the perfect skin of her breasts as she began undoing the clasp of her bra. Reid gasped in awe at the sight of her half naked form in front of him. The supple skin on her abdomen covered taunt muscles underneath. Reid traced his hand from the bottom of her torso and paused at the skin underneath her perfect breasts.

A coy smile crept onto Jade's lips. She grabbed Reid's hand placing it where his eyes didn't move from. He swallowed the lump in his throat as the stirring in his genitals intensified. Every rational thought of halting her onslaught on his senses was silenced by the insatiable urge to feel every inch of her. He grabbed at her waist forcing her downward and Jade responded by grinding further into his arousal. He didn't think he could possibly last much longer. Jade's resolve was also waning as she undid the button on her jeans pulling them off in a vigorous motion. Before she settled her hips back down onto his she positioned her hand on his inner thigh slowly moving inwards.

Reid had been right from the beginning, she would be the death of him. Only the fabric of his boxers separated her hand from his swollen cock. She massaged him gently before removing the barrier all together. She had somehow removed her only remaining undergarment in the next motion and resumed kissing him with the same passion as before. He moaned loudly and fervently as her felt her wet center against him. Before getting too carried away she leaned over grabbing a condom from her night stand and slipped it on his erection. In his next breath she has lowered herself onto him as he lurched underneath her. Reid was sure he no longer had any feeling in his legs. His hands grasped her hips as he moved in and out of her. He was completely intoxicated by the feeling of being inside her and each moan that escaped her mouth pushed him closer. He grabbed her shoulders forcibly so he could reach her lips again. Her body was quivering giving away she wasn't far from climaxing. The rhythmic motion of their bodies against each other became quickened. Reid thrust his hips up once more feeling the inferno that started in his lower abdomen course through all of his remaining extremities. Jade yelled out several expletives throwing his name in between them. She collapsed on top of him with him still inside her making no effort to move. Reid let his hands get tangled in her hair as he attempted to slow his breathing. He didn't know if he would be able to recover and never imagined anything could feel that euphoric and satisfying. Jade finally untangled herself from him kissing him once more and laying her head on his chest.

He refused to let his mind wander to the repercussions of their actions. He didn't know if she just ached for comfort or felt as strongly for him as he did for her. Reality could rear its ugly head in the morning for now Reid let himself indulge in the elation of that moment without fear of tomorrow.

* * *

 _ ****I had only meant for them to kiss at that last part but somehow it turned into complete smut and now I have to rate this thing M. Hope you enjoyed!**_


	4. Chapter 4

Reid sat at his desk nervously clicking his pen feeling Morgan's curious look from behind him. He estimated it would be approximately 20 seconds before Morgan walked over forcing him to answer for his erratic behavior.

"Ok kid spill." Morgan arrived at his desk 3 seconds early.

"Spill what?" Reid said feigning fake ignorance.

"You are wound up tighter than a grandma one letter away from winning a bingo tournament. What's on your mind?"

It was clear Morgan wasn't going to give in without a somewhat believable explanation.

"If I were to tell you something completely personal could you promise to not tell everyone you know? That also means you can't tell Garcia." Reid didn't have much faith in this request.

"You don't give me enough credit, your secret will be safe with me. Whatever it is I'm sure it's less serious than you think." Morgan said unconvincingly.

Reid was sure he would regret this immediately but he felt like he would implode if he kept it to himself any longer.  
He stared at his hands while he cautiously began to speak.

"...So say I took a certain someone home the other night and maybe certain events transpired." Reid thought to himself he should probably stop there.

"Ok... A little less vague, a little more detail. I assume the someone in question is Jade."  
Morgan tilted his head in confusion and now further curiosity.

After a forcible sigh and a few more pen clicks Reid decided to solider on.

"Yes. She... We may have slept together." Reid learned forward towards Morgan putting his hands up in a desperate halting motion.

"Before you say anything I understand the ramifications of my decision and I will deal with them appropriately."

Morgan's face went from a look of bewilderment to one more similar to how Reid assumed jocks greet one another in the locker room after a big win.

"Who cares about consequences I can't believe you hit that! Are you sure? She's even out of my league." Morgan's voice grew to an uncomfortably high volume as he slapped Reid on the shoulder.

"Of course I'm sure, I was there. Keep your voice down she's only a few yards away." Reid whispered in a desperate tone turning his halting hand motion to a shushing one.

The smirk on Morgan's features hadn't yet faded.

"It was real good wasn't it? Who initiated it? It had to be her, you stutter when she even looks at you."

"She did, I didn't think anything could feel that good, and I'm not answering anymore of your invasive questions." Reid muttered almost incoherently fast.

Morgan leaned back in his chair with his arms behind his head and a satisfied look on his face.

"I'm proud of you. What does that put you at 2 now?" Morgan teased ignoring Reid's disapproving glare.

"Two what?" Rossi materialized at even the thought of any indiscretion.

"Nothing." Reid spoke forcefully and spun his chair back around to his desk.

"Reid and Jade did the deed." Morgan blurted out with ease.

"You didn't even last 5 minutes!" Reid yelled hoping his words would manifest and kick Morgan's ass for him.

"It's Rossi, he'll be proud." Morgan said flippantly putting his hands up in surrender.

Rossi had a reaction similar to the one Morgan displayed minutes earlier.

"Good for you! Are you sure?" Rossi congratulated him with the same machismo shoulder grab.

"Yes I'm sure, why does everyone ask that." Reid uttered rhetorically. Rossi gave Reid a wink before walking off towards Hotch's office.

Morgan leaned forward now in a more direct posture.

"In all seriousness though. I know you care for her, you can see it from a mile away but you don't know what her motive is in this. That's what's really got you wound up."

"I'm not sure what I feel really."

But he did know. He knew what he wanted with a certainty the same way he knew the sun would set and rise again the next day. The same way he knew the evils in the world could never disappear and how the beauty could never either. He knew how the sound of her voice could make him faint and her touch could electrify his every cell. He knew he was hopelessly lost but endlessly exhilarated.

Morgan's voice took a more somber tone as he saw through Reid's falsely apathetic response.

"Just be careful kid. Make sure you find out where her head is at before you take this any further. What she lost... It hasn't been that long."

* * *

Jade busied herself with the paperwork on her desk attempting to keep her mind from wandering. Her emotions seemed to be cycling through moments of bliss and guilt that were becoming exhausting. Jade would need more coffee if she were to get through this day. She got up from her desk and made her way into the hall.

"Jade. Hey you, I need to talk to you." Garcia shuffled over to her speaking in her signature rushed tone. Jade adored her but had a feeling she wouldn't like where this was going.

"I may have been told a thing by someone and I can't keep my thoughts to myself." Garcia manically yammered.

"I'm sure you could. Give it a little more effort." Jade spoke with only a hint of indignation.

"I'm sorry you gorgeous creature but it needs to be said. I know you've been through some things and you deserve all the comfort in the world but Reid... He's like an innocent little puppy that if you let into your home will follow you around and love you forever. Even if that's not what you are looking for. I love you both and I'm just looking out for you." Garcia's voice softened as she finished her torrid speech.

Jade's suspicion of the topic of Morgan's and Reid's heated discussion was confirmed. The twinge of guilt returned and she needed Garcia to know that wasn't the truth.

"I know. That's not what it was about. It's more than that..." Jade responded with warmth in her voice but a slight hesitance in fear of revealing her hand.

Garcia's mouth literally dropped open and was followed by a high pitch squealing noise similar to a teenage girl who had just been asked by her crush to prom.

"Really! Oh I won't tell anyone I promise."

She hurried down the hallway leaving Jade to look after her in bewilderment.

"Tell them what?" Jade asked to someone who was no longer there.

"What did you tell her?" Reid appeared in similar fashion as Garcia with a slight look of panic.

"I have no idea." Jade assured him.

There was a tangible tension still between them that Jade sensed Reid would monetarily vocalize. He nervously played with his keys in his pocket and strategically avoided eye contact.

"I don't know how to say this, but what happened between us. Um did that mean anything to you?"

Reid looked up at her now appearing to fear what would happen next.

Jade had to admit that one hurt. Perhaps she was more closed off than she had originally thought.

"Of course it meant something." Jade responded as she shut off the cold distance between them.

"It meant a lot to me." Jade pulled Reid's hands out of his pockets and entwined hers into them.

"Come with me. I want to show you something."

* * *

"Where are we going?" Reid impatiently questioned.

Jade smiled to herself. "Why do you have to know everything?"

"I don't need to know everything. I just see it beneficial to have at least an educated guess on our destination." He knew he was close to rambling.

Jade tossed him an unamused glance. They continued walking for another 2 blocks.

"We're here." Jade spoke as she sat down on one of the swings in front of them. She had an amused look on her face seeing Reid's utter confusion.

"We're at a playground." Reid said the last word phrasing it like a question.

"Yes. You're very observant." Jade answered back sarcastically.

Reid continued to stand there awkwardly not knowing what to do.

"Will you just sit down you are making me nervous. You're acting like you never played on a swing when you were a kid."

"Of course I did but not since I was 7 I think." He mirrored Jade's posture and was beginning to assume she took joy in his discomfort.

"What too busy writing your thesis." Jade playfully mocked him as she swung to a height not recommended for someone over 4 feet.

"No but I was busy with studying the...oh that was joke." Reid muttered.

"Well I thought it was." The playful look on her face was quickly replaced by a more solemn one as she slowed herself back to the ground. Her body language began to display discomfort as if she was close to unveiling all of her secrets.

"There was this girl who was in the cell with me for a while. She...she didn't make it. I remember she told me she always took her daughter to the swings on Sunday's. Well she didn't exactly tell me that, more like muttered it in hysteria."

Jade paused, unclenching her hands from the rusty old swing.

"I couldn't even walk by here until recently. I wonder what ever happened to her daughter..." Jade trailed off.

Reid hung on to Jade's every word, feeling the despair in her concealed features. He could venture to guess the girl she spoke of had a rather gruesome demise. The things that swirled around in her head were undoubtedly worse than anything that ever ailed his. He envied her strength but knew whatever defenses she built for herself were there long before her career in the FBI.

Jade turned her head and looked him in the eyes.

"I know I'm not always good at expressing my feelings and can be detached sometimes but I do have feelings for you. This is real. I can't tell you I know what that means yet but I don't want it to go away."

Reid felt his heart quicken as Jade's impenetrable wall began to give way. A part of him feared her words were nothing more than a cruel cosmic joke that reality could whisk away at any moment. He watched her intently as her eyes welled up with tears and he called on every soldier in him to hold back his own.

"I'm sorry that I didn't say any of this until now. You make me forget all of the terrible things that happened."

Jade turned her head to stare off at some imaginary figure in the distance.

"There's peace here now. I didn't think I could have that again." Jade grew quiet as she let a small smile creep onto her features.

Reid reached over and clasped his hand into hers. He had few words to offer her in comfort but felt like he could finally see into that exquisite head of hers. He knew he had fallen in love with her then but had no need to analyze it or require reciprocation. He would give her the time to heal and time to ward off any demons that still resided with her.

Reid attempted to put some of his convoluted feelings for her into words.

"I'm not very good at any of this but you make me feel like I can do anything. There's an emptiness when you leave and I don't feel right again until I see you and can make sure you are real. That I didn't just dream it all up."

Jade seemed to stare right through him. She gave him a look Reid only saw in movies when the protagonist made a heart wrenching speech causing the love interest to finally fall for him.

He removed himself from the child's swing he sat on to stand in front of her.

"Come on. Let's order take out and watch really awful sci-fi movies all night."

"You really do know the way to my heart." Jade playfully smiled at him as she let him guide her to her feet.

He kissed her on the lips softly, still not confident in his ability to maintain full control of his body when touching hers.

"Maybe, but I would like to find that all out."


End file.
